the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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