This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I faked an abortion last night.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize