i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
