Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
