you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
