do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
