I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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