After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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