I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
