Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
