u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
