I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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