the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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