my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
