i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
