I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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