IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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