happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
