I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
