God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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