I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
