Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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