New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
