I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
