dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
