gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
