we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
