I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
