im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
