Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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