Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
