Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
