im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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