she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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