Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
