In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
