Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I need a beard to bite.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
