I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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