Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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