franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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