Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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