My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
