dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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