Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
