i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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