i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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