Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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