So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize