I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
