I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
