If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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