normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
