that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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