At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
