I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
