Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize