god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
