spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
