So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
My vagina just clenched in fear
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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