It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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