he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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