We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
