he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize