I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
