Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
