apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
