I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
