I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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