Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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