You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
You can't motorboat a personality
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
