I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
