I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
