in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
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