what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
