oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Why can't burritos get me drunk
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
