Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize