My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I need water and some morals
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
