New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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