I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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