Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
