i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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