no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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