What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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