No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
do nipples grow back?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
