Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm getting married
To pizza
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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