When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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