Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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