I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
