We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
