The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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