if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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