dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
