my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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