I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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