this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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